The Journey To Soap



This is going to be a story of the journey one woman took, from having a shattered heart, to once again being happy and looking forward to the days to come. The moment that there was a complete disconnect between this woman, and her children, to the point where she felt like she was able to open up her heart to connect again. It was not an easy journey, but getting to the point where life was worth living was worth every healing step. There will always be an absence in our lives, but there is also a new way to connect to the one who is no longer here. This is her story.

On January 3, 2000 I was granted one of the most beautiful little gifts that I knew I would treasure for the rest of my life. She came with 10 fingers, 10 toes and the cutest little nose. She quickly grew into my biggest challenge, loudest cheerleader, and best friend. This special gift was obsessed with bathing at least 5 times a day, loved everyone with an unconditional love that I have never seen from any other human being, and was loyal to everyone she called family (and you didn't have to share DNA to be in this category). One day she suggested that we learn how to make soap together. I agreed that this was something I would love to do, but at that time I didn't have the time or the money, so it would have to wait. I knew that she only wanted to make soap to be able to use our creations.

On June 30, 2018 my special gift made the decision that life was too painful, and chose to go to sleep for the last time. My heart shattered into a million pieces. For over 2 years I wandered aimlessly through life, wishing I could go to sleep too. Somewhere in the back of my memory, flickering to life like a wooden match on a damp summer night, her voice came to me reminding me that we were going to make soap together. I started to relentlessly watch YouTube videos to learn the art of soap making. There was very little I didn't research in those early days. It was like unpacking a multi-layered package, one you need to carefully use scissors on each layer, to reveal the next layer.

By the time I was ready to start pouring soap batter into moulds, I had learned enough to allow me to feel completely confident about what I was about to begin. I determined that I was going to finish off that year with a newly found skill, and would decide from there whether I was going to continue with it, into the next year. So I ordered a simple loaf style mould, a set of cutters, some colourants, and other ingredients necessary for soap making. A family member who understood how important this was, gave me a heart shaped silicone mould so I could use that for making soap as well.

On December 31, 2020 I poured my first batch of soap.

There it was. It wasn't pretty, but it was soap. The better part of this whole experience was I had found something that truly made me happy. It wasn't a giddy kind of happiness, it was a deep, quiet happiness that left me longing to make more. It also left me feeling connected to my special gift, for the first time in over two years. Her constant desire to bathe using some kind of pretty smelling soap, and now I was making soap. I knew I had to make something that would be considered pretty by her standards. So I made more soap and started designing batch after batch. I started using different combinations of ingredients, added oils I hadn't used in prior batches, used liquids that I hadn't used, and my soap supply grew.

My birch and chaga tea soap was a brand new idea, something I hadn't ever heard of someone trying before. I chose to use a water replacement of 100% birch sap! Half of that sap I boiled with chunks of chaga, so it darkened into a chaga tea. This soap is quite literally my favourite soap! The lather is amazing, the way my skin feels after using it is better than I had ever felt before in my life, and it smells great too!

As the vision grew of what I wanted to be able to do with soap, the items I wanted to try and create also grew.

I have a brother with a long beard, and I thought maybe I could start making things for him to help keep his beard tamed and in control. So the first "non-soap" item I made was beard oil, and then beard balm. I figured, why stop there, and went on to create hair conditioning rinse, deodorant, and aftershave conditioner was necessary because I had shave soap. All of this experimentation also led to the desire to start a small home-based business where others could benefit from these products as well.

Running a soap business in Canada means that you need to properly label your products, which took some time to learn how to get it done correctly.

Soap has become a balm to my shattered heart and a way to connect with my special gift, the one that chose to go to sleep forever only 18 1/2 years after she breathed her first breath. The special gift who would bathe 5 times a day and loved pretty soaps. The same gift who planted a seed to make soap, years before I ever watched a video to learn how. Life will never be the same without her constant presence, but now there is healing that comes in the form of pretty and sweet smelling bars of soap.